...if i only had a brain

so it took me 6 tries to log into my blog today. my memory is getting worse and worse.

i found this website where you can buy a poster about our water footprints. basically, it shows the virtual water use of certain things, like cheese, beef, grain, apples and oranges. on the reverse side it shows water footprints by country.

those of you that argue with me about watering plants vs. watering cattle, take THAT.

wait for a love that never dies and you've lost life

i can't believe i missed an entire month of posting! that's insane! and we're already half way through the next month. guh.

so i'm not very excited about christmas this year. i don't have the money to spend on the people i want to buy for, and the people i have to buy for could care less. i'm pissed because that is NOT what it's about anyway, and why do i feel all this pressure?

here's a picture of me and nicole being happy and cute, to make up for my absence. look at my cute shirt! i love this picture of us. below is a picture of me and ron. i love you pretty people! let us drink our pineapple juice as we take over the bar with our sweet music and retarded laughing!

title: cities of night - blaqk audio

just when I'm inspired, you drain the drive right outta me

happy halloween!

i'm eating leftover vegan pizza for breakfast. yesterday was norwalk's trick-or-treat. firstly, i would like to express my disappointment that it was not on halloween night, nor even on a weekend. a tuesday? what the crap. halloween here in ohio is not like it was when i was growing up in michigan. we would run from house to house and yell and carry on. you had to yell "trick-or-treat" to get people to come out and give you candy. it was dark. it was so much more. here and now, it's simple and uninvolved. most kids had a store-bought costume. i made our own costumes, just like i've always done.

we were ninjas! a whole family of ninjas. joshua carried nunchucks, penny had her sais that she picked out herself, and i had a sword. i was so darn excited. we trick-or-treated with nicole, shannon and killian. haha, and their dog, shrapnel. killian went as robin, and shrapnel was batman until he peed on his cape.

we had to scoot outta there right when we got back, because i had ordered a half vegan, half meat lover's pizza. i felt kinda awesome walking in with a full-on ninja outfit, complete with sword, to pick up my pizza. then we went to ken and kelly's to see them and joshua's grandparents, and show them our costumes. i found out that one year, grandma dressed as a ninja, too!

there are two reasons for the title lyrics i chose for this entry. the title of the song is this secret ninja. the other reason is that lately i've been feeling so overwhelmed. i have much to do, and much that i want to do, and when i finally get the motivation, something else comes along and sucks it right back out of me. i'm trying to do as much as i can, but sometimes, i just don't feel it's worth it.


title: this secret ninja - afi

your blood, their blood, serves the same

i'm at my new job as a receptionist for kasper auto group, at the toyota dealership in sandusky. i answer all the incoming calls for all 5 dealerships, but mostly sit and look pretty. i enjoy it, whether we're busy or not. it can be boring at times, so i spend the time reading, drawing or researching.

today i'm researching more indepth about vegan and vegetarian options in non-vegetarian restaraunts and fast food chains. i'm reading a book published by the vegetarian resource group that answers a lot of common questions. it has a lot of good resources, and does an excellent job of pointing one in the right direction.

on their website, www.vrg.org, i found a good article on tipping your servers when you eat out. i think this is good for everyone to read, be you vegetarian or not. keep in mind how economics work. generally, vegetarian fare costs less, and if you tip on a percentage, you tip your server less than is even fair. they need to eat, too! support your choices! you can read the article, "rethinking restaurant tipping" here.

in our world, the biggest influence you have is where and how you spend your money.

make a difference.


title: conflict - meat is murder

i've got the straight edge!

i enjoy this little chart that i found at the we like it raw blog. it helps remind us where our priorities really lie. i also like how the bars are home-drawn. cute.

click to see it larger.

taking care of yourself and your health is so important for a happy life. try not to worry so much, but do what you can. it starts at home, with yourself and your family. teach your kids how to stay healthy and happy, and care for each other.

keeping away from smoking, drinking and drugs can up your chances exponentially! i'm straight edge, and stay away from all those unnatural highs, and it's not a temptation when you know where you stand (and how nasty it is). watching what you eat can help, too. stay away from processed foods, refined sugars, preservatives and pesticides. if it comes pre-made, that's a good sign it might not be good for you. learn how to cook!



title from minor threat

in the orchard

wednesday, nicole and i drove up to cleveland without tickets, to see tiger army. we we're able to get in without any problem, and were within the first 10 people there. we snagged a spot directly in the front and center of the stage. the beauty of the small room at the agora is that the stage is low and there is never a barricade. the first band was static age, and they were pretty decent, with a bassist that had this crazy hand. the second band was called street dogs. turns out the singer used to be in the dropkick murphey's, and joshua has seen them before. i enjoyed their set very much, and their bassist, johnny, (who was rather hot) took a couple pictures of us with my camera, while they played. the singer, mike mccolgan, put his hand on my face, and sang to me, and then later on the top of my head. it was odd, but i didn't see him do it to anyone else. maybe he thinks i'm cute. *shrug* still made me feel special, even though i was weirded out a bit. while waiting for tiger army, joy division played through the speakers! i was in heaven.

it's so good to see such an all-around good show like that. the openers didn't suck. tiger army was incredibly awesome. nick13 was incredible. jeff, the bassist, plays a stand-up bass. he was hit in the head with something right as they came on, and he bled hard the whole set. he's so hardcore! they were intense, and performed well. nick13 was delicious and amazing to watch, and sweat-soaked by the end of the show. we were able to touch him, but i didn't want to interfere or offend him any, so i kept back (although it was quite hard not to reach out). nicole got one of jame's drumsticks. she said "looks like he used this one." yes. it looked like a chipmunk had attacked it. very used.

i'll upload pictures later, but now i have to go to a halloween party!

i've uploaded the pictures!

title from tiger army

i love you, you pay my rent

tonight i made the most delicious homecooked vegan dinner, that even joshua liked. it consisted of a fancy pants salad with the works, followed by some healthy whole wheat spaghetti with a cabernet marinara sauce and "meatballs," and some "cheesy" basil and rosemary garlic bread. i'm happy that i can cook so healthy, and be so completely satisfied without overeating.

i've been wanting to make some pumpkin pie, seeing how it is october now. however, the last couple days have been a freakish 90 degrees out, and not at all good for baking. i love baking. well, maybe i just love eating what i baked. haha, yum.

i took a glorious nap today, on grandma mary's amazing reclining lounge chair, outside in the warm breeze. one of my most favorite things is simply breathing the fresh air, listening to the cacophony of birds and insects and enjoying a gentle breeze on bare skin. the simplicity and wonder of it brings me such a sense of relaxation, stillness and quiet joy.

and the dang phone rings while i'm recounting my little reverie. bah.


title from some pet shop boys song that was amusing me yesterday

what if there were no hypothetical situations?

sunday was a day full of fun. joshua and i took the big truck and a trailer full of fourwheelers, along with casey and amanda, and adam, nick and justin, in another vehicle down just south of columbus, ohio. we spent the whole day riding trails. it was so beautiful, and we had such nice weather.

i am sore!

my back is sore. we did some pretty hard rough riding. joshua showed me where he flipped his fourwheeler a few months back, and got a 3 month vacation off of work from his injuries. we did not go down there. we had a good time, and i could easily see myself going again.


we took a photo of all of us in a neat rocky area. there were so many places to take beautiful photographs, but no one was interested in stopping for me. maybe next time.

she's gone, oh, why? what went wrong?

last night was brian's going away party at the crowbar. i love that place. when you step inside, it's like stepping out of northern ohio. it's pretty and clean. i didn't arrive till well after midnight (good thing i'm not cinderella). brian looked amazing. he was sparkly and i could just eat him. i'm so sad to see him go, but happy that he's going to be in a lovely place that i can hopefully visit someday soon. i'm predicting many a joyful gallery, museum, and zoo visit, and shopping! i think he'll be very happy.

i met nick, brian's new closest friend. i enjoy him emmensly. we made an appearance at club x, which was not fantastic, in all it's newly carpeted and karaoke-night splendor. there was a little excitement when nick and i decided to steal brian's artwork right off the walls and leave with them. look at us! little thieves with our jeans rolled up! we also got a good group photo, with greg (now known as sparkly mcspade) and jimmy, too.

nick is a riot.

title: daryl hall and john oats lyric

*shrug* it was in my head.

just like everybody else does

i can't believe i haven't posted in 20 days. it doesn't seem like it's been that long. i gave up after my eye surgery, since i couldn't see. all i would have had to report anyway would have been: "today i laid on my couch/bed/chair/floor and listened to music" that's all i was able to do for over a week, and not noteworthy at all. since then, i've been so busy with work, a poster contest, family, camping, appointments, work, laundry, shows, work, wasting time with joshua (yay), cooking, cleaning, entertaining, work, and amazingly enough, not shopping.

exciting news (for me): i beat psychobilly freakout on hard!

on monday the 17th we went to a blaqk audio show. it was great, and i giggled a lot. we were right up front in the small room of the agora, and there was no barricade. i danced as well as one can being smashed toward the stage from behind.

here is one favorite of the many photos i took of davey havok that night...delicious.

although it is immensely enjoyable, blaqk audio is not comparable to afi. the end.


title from the smith's how soon is now

somehow I ended up here in between

i've been soo soo busy lately. we went to a party at nick and stephs on sunday, followed by a night of camping with jerry and heather. i much prefered the camping, actually. that monday morning, we all went out for breakfast at vansons. upon going home, we all fell asleep and slept the day away until we scrambled to make it to john's birthday dinner. yesterday i don't even remember. i know i tried to get a lot of cleaning and work done, but it just flew by.

today i had therapy. whoo. i'm liking my therapist less than i thought i did. i also worked a lot. and i also danced like a retard, and i continue to try. i plan on being up late and reading a lot. i'm having lasik done in the morning, and i'll have to rest my eyes (very similar to how your grandpa would) for the weekend. i'm not nervous yet. i don't know when i'll post again.

yay for manips! boo for working hard for nothing.


title: the lyric in amy's head

tarina tarantino and tokyo hardcore

i am in love with the glamour and sparkle of tarina tarantno.

she makes such beautiful fabulous jewelry, and she seems to embody a plethura of concepts and culture that have always intrigued me.

but more than that, she is the success story i keep in my pocket to keep me chasing my dreams.

she is releasing a catalog this month, called tokyo hardcore. i'm so excited. *sigh* ...tommy jet...trashy rockstar...

there are teasers you can view on buzznet. i died.

when you wish upon a star...will never give up again

here's some exciting news! i'm getting lasik on thursday! i'm nervous and excited, but mostly still suprised that it's really happening. i kept having doubts that i could even have it done, what with all my sour luck sometimes. and it's happening so fast. i had my appointment to meet with the surgeon and get all my measurements and all that jazz yesterday, and in less than a week, i have the surgery.

on another note, i did a teeny tiny bit of shopping. i got some more MAC (yay), and met Sarah at the counter. she is quite the coolest thing. the other day, along with errand running and a trunk full of groceries, i went to kohl's and picked up a very pretty sparkly ring and the most delightful hello kitty perfume. it smells like sugar and i want to lick myself.

title lyrics from da pump's bright! our future

cover your face and we'll pretend

it's early early thursday morning. i know i didn't post yesterday. it was a crappy day.

we did have some good company around noon.

after that, just badness. it got warm and sticky. one of our dogs got loose. ruined my day. couldn't get to the grocery store. couldn't draw. couldn't read. i don't like being stresed like that. couldn't even be alone for a split second. penny was a little monster as soon as the sun set. i didn't blog and only managed a single sentance in my journal. i got woken up in the middle of the night. the list goes on. i didn't get anything accomplished and i enjoyed nothing. all i wanted was to get something done and have a cup of tea. i didn't even get tea.

but...

jeffree star myspaced me tonight. it kinda makes up for it all.



title from killing lights

there's ladders and snakes and we've all made mistakes

i started a new project. i know i have so many that i'm working on, but it's the only way i keep from being bored. i used a pen instead of a knife on my vinyl cutter to draw out a big big coloring book-like outline of jade playing his acoustic guitar. i'm going to fill in the shading with bits of printed paper cut from a magazine. i'm already gluey-sticky, and i barely started.

penny is painting another picture today. "yeah, you jealous" she said last time. she knows i think she paints better than i do.

we're both up here in the studio, working and dancing all silly to hunter revenge. i'm imagining jon (who looks just like hunter in the most uncanny way) dancing around singing in that prince-like voice... "'lectric....lover.... got-ta got-ta turn you on!" i'm laughing and loving it. i hope he reads this.

hehe. penny is singing, too. "who's gonna love you now?"

check it out at www.myspace.com/hunterrevenge

title lyrics from hunter revenge's who's gonna love you now?

i will paint you in silver, i will wrap you in cold

sealion

acrylic. i painted this sometime in 2001 or 2002, i don't remember. the photo doesn't do it justice, doesn't show how eerie it is and how he really pops out. it's always fun to go dig it out and look at it. one of these days i'll have it framed.

i'm listening to jamiroquai. i'm feelin' dancey. it's all blur's fault.

joshua is over in the toledo area taking a pipe welding certification test. i hope he's staying relaxed (of all things), because i already know he's doing well.

i'm feeling inspired and motivated today. i wonder what i'll do. i already hung out some wash. it's a beautiful day.

title lyrics taken from afi's silver and cold.

if you show me heaven i will meet you there

today, penny and i enjoyed a nice lunch at olive garden. we shared a plate of capellini pomodoro. delicious. it was a baby shower for niki, and meg also joined us along with some other friends/coworkers from kasper. niki's having a little boy. here is a photo that penny so kindly (and excitedly) took for us. niki is in the lower right corner. can you find the two other pregnant girls?

meg went with penny and i to kohl's after lunch. i found hello kitty perfume! and i loooove it. i might have to go back and get some. it's a lot like the pink sugar perfume that i loved. go smell some for me.

i just offered joshua an apple or some water... and i said "waahhter." mike, you're right. i have an awful accent. jeesh.

title lyrics taken from blaqk audio's stiff kittens.

13 hours

i wanted to share this little stream of thought from Chad Hannah:

13 Hours

13 hours I sat here trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life
13 hours I worried and fidgeted and squirmed and compiled and endless amounts of adjectives
and you know what?
after those 13 hours it dawned on me
It doesnt matter what I do
I have to wait in line like everyone else
I cant just take my life and run with it
there are forms
there are files
there are people ahead of me trying to do exactly the same thing

Why does it matter what you do in life if everyone else has to do the same thing?

I believe that what you should really try to accomplish in life is....
Figuring out a way to do what you want
to go around this system without breaking any rules
people have done it
why cant I?

what did you do on your last day?

on jamie's last day in norwalk, we ran a couple errands that included borrowing a 'sprinkles' costume from coldstone, getting gas, and playing in the floodwaters near my house. i like youtube.com.

awww....smith plushie inside joke. "uhhhmm...prolly when i was-"

i just smeared my eyeliner with a hardcore eye-rub. *sigh*

in the begining

now, here i've gone and started myself a real blog. i used my myspace blog for artwork posts, which i have given up on. i used buzznet for weekly journals. i think this will be good.

i have been chewing on the idea of publishing a zine. where i live, this isn't really the place, but i figure, oh well, i'll do what i want. this blog looks like something just right. i'll give it a try and if i have something zine worthy, i'll move along. (somehow, i doubt it. this might just be perfect).

in this blog, i will post my journals, thoughts, artwork, photos and little scraps of my life. i'm looking forward to it.

chad, you are good to me. thanks.